Things I'll Never Say
by ReiVanDam
Summary: Candace Dubois was always an unwilling Slyterin. Avoided by Slytherins because of her non-malicious disposition, and avoided by everyone else because she was a Slytherin. But what happens when someone dares to reach out to her, and she just might dare to
1. Home Sweet Home

I stepped down from the final step, down onto the gravel next to the tracks. Even though the scarlet Hogwarts Express wasn't running anymore, the remaining heat was radiating from it. With the combination of the engine and the sun baring down from just over the forest, I wished I could swap my long, black robes for just a t-shirt and shorts. Even though the sun was very near setting, meaning it must be late for a summer day, it was still probably at least 90 degrees.

I looked up at the large stone building in the distance. It really was big - not just in size. There's so much to Hogwarts, beyond just the material that makes it up. It had pretty much been my home for the past six years, and I'd learned more in it than I could have in any regular muggle school.

God, I was going to be glad to leave this place.

Don't get me wrong. I loved Hogwarts. The school itself was better than I ever could have imagined when I got the emerald-addressed letter so many years ago. The excitement literally swelled inside me for the month while I was preparing to finally go to the fabled school. My mother had gone to Hogwarts, so I knew of many good things that were held there. My father had gone to Beauxbatons… still a wizard, but far away. Never-the-less, I was convinced that the best years of my life would be spent at Hogwarts.

But all of the happiness I held faded away when I put that damned hat on my head. For whatever reason, still lost to me, the Sorting Hat decided that my best place was to be in Slytherin. I had no idea how much of a hell I was guaranteed to from then on. I knew that they weren't the cheeriest lot, but I learned over the years that most of them were nothing short of evil. All bad witches and wizards, even this new threat of an ultimate dark wizard, Voldemort, had come straight from Slytherin.

So without any chance to show my honest-spirited ways to anyone, I had to put up with the taunts and jeers from the other houses. Nobody seemed to want to befriend "one of those power-hungry idiots." But I wasn't near the stereotype of a Slytherin. Sure, I had a bit of competitive side, and I strived to do well. However, there wasn't so much of a power-hungry bone in my body. So because of my pacifistic ways, I was shunned from the other Slytherins as well. Somehow I had managed to stumble through the past six years, living for the holidays - and the Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons.

Without the burden of the suitcases with me, I simply walked up to one of the remaining empty horseless carriages. Most of the students had already made their way into one up to the castle, and as usual, there were a few left without any passengers... my usual accommodations. Sensing a person on board, the carriage started to make its way up to the castle. The crunching of the wheels on the gravel was the only sound to be heard for a few minutes.

Within a few minutes, the crunching softened, then dulled as the wheels hit grass. Another few seconds, and it stops completely. I swung my legs over the edge, and they automatically started to take me up the steps to the large doors of the school. The sheer size of the Entrance Hall didn't surprise me anymore. Even though it towered over me so high that I could hardly see the ceiling, I had passed through this hall too many times to even give it a second look. My attention was, instead, brought to the left, where the Great Hall was decorated for the Sorting Feast.

Banners of each house were stretched across four long tables set out in the massive hall. The ceiling, which was gleaming crimson and gold to mimick the sunlight outside,and matched perfectly with the Gryffindor's lion-clad banners, gave the hall a shiny, welcoming feeling. I couldn't help but feel a bit happier at this while I looked over the cheerful faces at the long table, gave a quick glance up at the staff table which held the same faces as always, and started over to the Slytherin table on the far left.

I sat down at my usual seat; three from the end next to the wall. Call it sentimental, but I've sat there since my first year, and I felt as if sitting anywhere else would have been betraying it. I just sat down when a loud mass of laughter came from the Entrance Hall. I look over to the door to see the culprits… of course. Four seventh-year boys, all wearing red and gold ties, always seen together.

Leading the pack was a rather short boy. His unruly black hair stuck up in all directions, giving him an appearance of being a few inches taller. Never the less, he was still short. Quidditch hero James Potter. His almond eyes were shining with laughter as he looked back at the other three, clearly the one who had told the joke.

Right behind him was a taller boy. Also black hair, but very silky and kept, falling to just above his shoulders. Sirius Black - and although his exterior didn't show it, partner-in-crime to Potter, who both had a lot of magnetism for trouble. He still had a wide smile on his face from the laughter before. Directly behind him was a sandy-blond-haired boy, considerably quieter than the previously mentioned. He had a softer look to him, that quite often seemed to be much older than it really was. Remus Lupin. Tailing behind them all was a shorter boy, quite mousy. Short brown hair, almost always seeming nervous. Peter Pettrigrew wasn't exactly the bravest boy, but it certainly wasn't from the company he kept.

Potter turned back to the other three again. His voice wasn't quite loud enough to carry over all the way to the Slytherin table, but the laughter that followed certainly was. They continued walking towards their table, and sat down somewhere around the middle.

The very few people who were left to come slowly filtered in and took their places at their tables. The door on the side of the hall opened, and the usual first years filled in after Professor McGonagall. I was barely aware of the sorting taking place. Occasional names were placed in Slytherin, and I clapped out of politeness when the rest of the table did. As soon as the last first year was sorted "Yavin, Susan" went to Hufflepuff the gold platters on the tables were immediately filled with food. I took bits and pieces here and there, not eating too much. Although when the plates were cleared and replaced with desserts of all sorts, I certainly had more than my share of them. When everyone had their fill, the plates cleared once again.

Dumbledore, his once brown hair now almost entirely an amazing silver, stood up at the staff table. The hall fell silent. He proceeded through the usual announcements; the forest was off limits to all students… don't touch the Whomping Willow, it's a dangerous plant and it would certainly not be wise to try to think otherwise… Mr. Filch would like to remind you all that there will be no magic in the hallways between classes… and to have a good term. People around me started to stand up and to leave, so I followed suit. I stared to walk out into the Entrance Hall, when the sound of my name stopped me.

"Hey, look, it's Dubois!"

I stopped and glance over my shoulder to the caller, immediately wishing I hadn't. Potter and his Posse had decided to leave the table just as I did, and spotted me on the way out. Potter's eyes were shining again, but more of a smug satisfaction than genuine happiness. I shift my weight to one foot, yet still keep my ground.

"What do you want, Potter?" I asked impatiently.

"Oh, just to say hello to my favorite Slytherin," he replied. I wasn't fooled.

"Favorite, right," I said coolly. "Too bad I'm not like-"

"Hey, I must say I love your monotonosity throughout the years, Candace," Sirius interrupted. "I mean, really. I could understand if it was a complete bookworm Gryffindor. But a Slytherin with no personality? Why bother?"

I open my mouth in attempt of retaliation. Alright, so I fit the part of a bookworm. My long, dark brown hair was always pulled back hurriedly so it was rather messy, with a few wisps of bangs falling down to cover my eyes. Also covering my bright green eyes was a pair of small, rectangle-framed glasses, which I constantly have pushed up to the bridge of my nose. It also wasn't uncommon to find me with my nose stuck into a book. If I had been re-sorted this year, I surely would have been put in Ravenclaw. But it was because of the fact that I had nothing better to do with my time that I even started to study so much anyway. Almost ironic. However, the comment of having no personality hit me more than it should have.

Finding no comment to defend myself, I rolled my eyes.

"God. Eat dung, Black."

He smirks at me, then says, "See? She can't even say anything original. I bet I've been telling my brother to eat dung since I was about three."

He chuckled to add more insult, and Pettigrew also began to nervously laugh. Probably a subconscious attempt to brown nose. Potter was also smirking, showing support for Black. But Lupin was… wait. He had a sad look on his face. One that almost looked full of… pity! He felt sorry for me?! I felt blood rush to my cheeks from the combination of being laughed at and being pitied. However, a voice from behind my right shoulder drifted forward and caused the laughter to stop.

"You four would do best to crawl away to your own dormitories."

I turn around and find my eyes looking, inches away, into two very dark eyes. The eyes matched the long, black hair and long, black robe. Fellow Slytherin seventh year Severus Snape stepped forward towards the four Gryffindors. For what seemed like half an hour, the Gryffindors and Snape simply glared at each other, mentally shooting daggers and grasping their wands tightly in their pockets. The rivalry between the two groups was no secret. However, a quick tug of Potter's sleeve by Pettigrew brought them back to their senses.

"James," Pettigrew whispered, yet I knew all six of us could hear, "there are teachers just in the Hall. Save it for another time!"

Potter quickly thought this over, still glaring at Snape, then nodded. He turned sharply, and the four of them walked away towards where I assumed the Gryffindor common room was. I glanced at Snape, who was watching them every step of the way.

"Umm… thanks, I guess," I muttered.

For one great moment, I thought I had found a friend for this year. But just as soon as that moment came, it left again. He turned to me and sneered.

"Like I wanted to help you. I simply wasn't going to let someone as arrogant as Potter swing around his huge head. I had no intentions of helping you out, you're no more a true Slytherin than them."

Not waiting even a second after his speech, he turned away, robe billowing behind him, and proceeded up the case of stairs on the right side of the hall, towards the Slytherin dormitories. I watched in slight shock, then sighed.

Well, another 'great' year at Hogwarts has begun.


	2. The Gleam of Jealousy

Ah, silly me. I've forgotten something fairly important in the last chapter. The disclaimer. So, on with the usual... I don't own Harry Potter, I don't own any of the characters in the book, yadda yadda yadda... I DO own Candace, and I DO own the plot of this story. Anything else? Not mine. Not unless I state otherwise in that certain chapter.

Second order of business. My chapters are a little short at this point. I'm working on it. This is my first fan fic in, oh... four, maybe five years? So pardon if it sucks a little to begin with. It's also been really stressfull lately, and I'm surprised I'm daring enough to put this up now. Things might be a little slow for a while, but I promise that I'll get going on it.

Lastly, Author's Notes to all the reviewers!

**Darkstar71** - You get five karma points! You're my first EVER reviewer. Feel special!

**dadswell** - I dunno what it was about the name I liked so much. I actually think it came from my History textbook last year Ox" But hey, it works. I don't know anything about ER, but I'll check out your HP fanfics!

**Serria** - Ok. Everyone who is literate must go to Serria's fanfics and read them all. They're wicked good! And thanks for the support, Serria

So yes. Without further ado, Chapter 2 of "Things I'll Never Say"

I woke up early the next morning. Wiping the sleep out of my eyes, I pull back the emerald covers on my four-poster bed. The whole room is dark, seeing as how there are no windows, just a small lantern on every bedstand - the dormitories are in the dungeons, so it's not exactly possible to have true windows. Around the room sits three other beds with the silver curtains draped down around them. I grasp the silvery material around my own bed and pull them open. I dig in my trunk and dig out one of my school robes. Pulling it on, I head over to the door of the dormitory and swing it open.

At the bottom of the stairs, I walk into the common room. The fire, which was already blazing in the stone fireplace, was lighting up the room. Never-the-less, the atmosphere was nothing short of cold. Everything in the room said "Slytherin" - the dark green leather couches, the black wood tables and other decorating, the slytherin banners everywhere, green and silver serpents... not hard to see why I didn't like the place. I crossed over the gloomy room to the door. It automatically swung open as I walked towards it.

Going down the halls, my feet guided me. After six years of going this path, it was second nature to me by then. After a few minutes of subconcious navigating, I find myself in the Entrance Hall. Amazing how my feet are so far from both my head and my stomach, but it still knew both were screaming "FOOD!" The doors to the Great Hall are open and inviting. I take the hint and walk into the large doorway.

The long house tables were all nearly empty, just a person or two at each. Looking up at the ceiling, I noticed that it was barely dawn - that would explain the lack of people. Sitting at my usual seat, I pull a plate of eggs towards me. Halfway through my breakfast, a note folded into a paper airplane flies towards me. I grab it and unfold it - my schedule. My first day back, and I get to start out with Potions. Alright, so it could be worse. I actually didn't mind Potions so much. It wasn't near my favorite, but I could stand them - obviously, or I wouldn't have continued to take the class after my O.W.L.s. I stuffed the schedule parchment into my pocket.

I looked around the Great Hall - it was definitely filling up. I stood up and walked to the end of the table As I turned towards the door, I noticed the second Gryffindor rendezvous within twenty-four hours. Remus Lupin, apparently also an early riser, had also just finished breakfast. No, not Remus, just Lupin. It was too late to stop and go back to the Slytherin table, so I just kept walking. We reached the door at practically the same time. He smiled at me out of politeness, and I smiled back for the same reason. My courtesy expressed, I kept walking - until his voice stopped me.

"Candace?"

I turned back to look at him. Damn it... the look on his face wass near pity again. But I saw the sincerity in his eyes, so I waited to see what he had to say. He looked like he was searching for the right way to word what he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry for the way the other Gryffindors acted yesterday.. you probably know as well as I do that they're not the type to apologize to a Slytherin, but I couldn't let it rest on my conscience."

"Well, aren't we just the proper one. Shouldn't you be used to them being jerks to a lot of people, especially Slytherins?"

"Unlike the people they pull practical jokes on, you didn't deserve it."

I gave him a look that clearly said 'I don't believe you.' He caught my drift.

"Alright, so most of the others didn't deserve it, either. I was impressed how you stood up to them. Usually everyone either backs down or resorts to using foce. Very, very few, yourself included, truly stand up for themselves."

Wow. So that wasn't exactly the reaction I was expecting. Was it possible that one of the feared four actually had a side that wasn't determined to be a complete nuisance? Come to think of it, I just realized how much I sound like my mother at times. Either way, I know he's telling the truth. I take the harsh tone out of my voice when I speak next.

"I find it comes in handy. Especially around this place."

"True enough."

Once again, a smile appears on his mouth. It doesn't quite reach his eyes, but it's a nice gesture anyway. Once again, I smile back. I look over at the Gryffindor table, then out into the Entrance Hall. No sign of the other 'lions.'

"Wow, it's the Apocalypse. You mean you people don't live, sleep, and breathe in packs?"

"Nah, at least not today. I'm not actually in the Gryffindor dormitories anymore."

"Wait.. you can't get re-sorted, can you?"

"No, even better, though."

He readjusted his cloak slightly so a gleam of gold was noticable. At a closer look, I gasped at realizing what it was. From the sun's light coming into the hall, the letters "HB" glittered very brightly. I was instantly envious.

Ever since I got the Prefect's badge before 5th year, I wanted to be Head Girl. Call me a geek, call me a dork, a nerd, loser, whatever. I wanted to be Head Girl more than anything else in the world. Another reason to get more studying in. But of course... The only thing that I got in the Hogwarts letter a few weeks ago was just that - the letter. Needless to say, I was fairly upset.

I looked at the badge a bit longer longingly, then stood up straight again. He must have noticed the look of envy on my face, because he gave an innocent smirk.

"Congrats. But how does that make the other three back off? Surely they wouldn't be afraid of being associated with Head Boy?"

"I have a feeling they'll be trying to use that to their advantage. Better not mess with them, they're friends with a Head Boy. It's just their tradition to sleep in as late as possible the first day back."

"But why aren't you in the Gryffindor Commom Room anymore?"

"Head Boy and Head Girl have their own Common Room and dormitories. Same floor as Dumbledore's office, just the different side of the floor. It's actually a pretty amazing room."

I opened my mouth to tell him... tell him what? That I'm jealous? That he deserves it? That he doesn't deserve it? Whatever it was, I was pre-interrupted by the first bell. I checked my watch, then picked up my school bag.

"I gotta head to class."

With that, I walked past Lupin and started off towards my first class, Potions. I was a staircase down when I realized that I hadn't even said any form of a 'goodbye' to him. He had talked to me purposefully. He was the one that came up to me. I had to give him points for bravery, that was for sure. Not to mentionsomeone from that group was the least typical person I expected to be even civil with a Slytherin.

As I kept walking, I thought about the other side. Sure, he was nice. But as a Slytherin, should that matter? I was chosen as a Slytherin whether I liked it or not, shouldn't I be properly ashamed? Shouldn't I tell him off for feeling sorry for me, trying to make me feel better by acting like somebody cared? Go back to my dormitory and find a hundred ways to get even, and raise my Slytherin ego back to its full height?

But I didn't I felt bad for being rude. I felt guilty for practically ignoring someone who cared. And I was even more surprised to realize that I cared, too.


	3. One Class Down

Oy. I know it's been a long time since I last updated. Does anyone still come here, checking to see if there's a new chapter? Probably not. I apologize. I got into a mad rush of business, and kind of forgot about this story for a while. This is the soul reason why you write up an entire story before you post it. Lesson learned.

On another note, I've really noticed how short my chapters are. I'm really dissappointed - this one is only three pages in Microsoft Word Processor. There's definitely room for improvement. However, while working on chapter four or five, maybe? it's really getting longer. This is definitely good.

Last thing, please bear with me for a bit longer. Things are going to get a lot less hectic soon, and I really want to get more dedicated to my writing again. This means that chapters will probably be coming a lot more often.

So without further ado, Chapter 3!

I walked around the corner in the cold, damp corridors of the dungeon floor, then stopped. However, footsteps still echoed down the hall. They echoed through the long, empty passages of the dungeons, making them sound ten times louder than they should have. I turned and looked behind me, but I didn't see anyone. However, the sound continued, and was getting louder. It couldn't have been water dripping onto the floor, it was much too loud.

I continue walking, even though the sound continues. Finally, I stop and turn back around. Ten feet back, wearing a perplexed look at my stopping, is none other than Lupin. He stopped abruptly, and the echoing footsteps ended simultaneously. I was amazed to see him for a few seconds, then the shock came back, and I recovered myself.

"Were you following me?" I asked angrily. Wow, maybe I shouldn't have cared about not saying goodbye .Not only was he a crazy psycho stalker, but I also had no need to say goodbye to him, because we weren't leaving each other's company. I was creeped out by this, and I knew it showed.

"I wasn't following you," he replied. Uh huh, sure. He continued.

"I don't know where you were heading to, but I'm going to my first class - Potions." Whoops.

Carefully taking my foot out of my mouth, I tried to once again regain my composure. Maybe appearing really confident would work - except for the fact that I really didn't know how.

"Funny you didn't mention that before. If you really anted to be that close to me, you should have kept talking to me. Would have given you an excuse to stay close."

"You left in such a hurry, I had no choice. Besides, I'm more apt to stalk from afar. They're less likely to notice me, they're easier to lure into a trap, and I can mentally undress them."

Two for two, not bad. Kept a pretty good head, considering the circumstances, and a good sense of humor - dry and subtle, just the way I like it. I laughed at this, in spite of myself. He smiled back, showing he's in on the jokes, but once again, the smile didn't reach his eyes. A little sparkle showed up, but nothing more.

We both started walking down the corridor again, to the Potions classroom - this time, right next to each other. Small talk commenced, but nothing that I would end up remembering. We walked into the classroom, but stopped. All the eyes in the classroom turned towards us as we entered. I looked at them, then over at Remus. Then it hit me. Head Boy Gryffindor and a Slytherin within two feet of each other, acting civil? Almost unheard of. He realized this at the same time, and we both go to separate sides of the room. One of the only open tables is one way towards the front, right side. Remus goes to the middle row, about half way back. Seats around the classroom slowly start to fill in. Five minutes later, the bell rings, and everyone has a seat. However, no one sat down at my table I'm used to that, though.

A door on the side of the classroom opened, and a man walked out. You could immediately tell he had the aura of power around him. Long, black hair, well below his shoulders, most of it streaked gray with age. Dark blue eyes, which would normally be attractive, but looked menacing on him. Long dark green robes, heavily accented with black decoration - Slytherin colors. Professor Lance was well beyond his prime as a teacher. Head of Slytherin house, and once an excellent potions master. Now he was slowly losing his hearing, and his potions weren't always reliable. It would only be a few more years before he retired.

He swept from the side door to the front of the classroom. The whole room immediately went silent; even though he was old, he was still respected, and even feared. He cleared his throat unnecessarily, and began his yearly speech.

"Since you have all managed to keep up in your work for me to allow you into my classes, I'm going to assume that you can all handle more challenging potions. This is your seventh year in my classes, which is also your N.E.W.T.s year. This, above all, will be the time to prove yourself."

At that last sentence, the person in the table next to mine moved. I glanced over. Of course - Severus Snape. He had always been very interested in potions. On learning that he needed to prove himself, he sat up taller - both to look more professional, and to express that he was paying closer attention. Not noticing, Professor Lance continued.

"That being said, the grading will be much less lenient this year. If it were up to me, many of you would not even be here right now-" he threw many dirty looks at the Gryffindors "-but you are none-the-less. This is also a very important time while proving your ability for future careers. I dare say none of you would want to be hear another year for lack of ability, and I certainly won't be willing to take you again. So I assure all of you that this will be the best year to succeed. Is that clear?"

As with any rhetorical question, nobody answered. Professor Lance nodded, then grabbed a piece of parchment on his desk. He began reading off names, taking role. My name was called at the beginning of the list, so I waited 'til then, then no longer paid attention. However, for some reason, one name pulled me out of my daze.

"Lupin, Remus."

"Here."

I looked over my shoulder, back to where the voice came from. Remus was half paying attention, bent down over a parchment. It looked like he was scribbling something out on it. His dirty blond hair fell over his eyes, but I saw it when his eyes raised up, and his bright blue orbs locked up with mine. I felt drawn to keep looking at him, but after a few seconds, I snapped out of it. I gave a feeble attempt at a grin, then whipped forward again. I wasn't sure if he was looking or not, but I was thankful I was facing the front - for the second time in just over twelve hours, I felt my cheeks burning up. Although this time I wasn't humiliated, so I wasn't quite sure why I was blushing.

After roll call, Professor Lance put the parchment away. He magicked directions up on the board, then what the potion was - a veritiserum! I never thought I'd cover these at Hogwarts! Professor Lance explained what the potion was, that it would be complicated to make, it would take over a month, blah blah blah... I started pulling my ingredients out, and put my cauldron on the burner. As soon as he stopped explaining, I had already measured out the first ingredient.

The class went by very quickly. Measure, pour. Measure, pour. The occasional stirring. And he said this potion was supposed to be difficult? Ha. At the end of the period, my potion was a nice, dazzling white, and a slight red mist was rising from it, just as it was supposed to. I poured all of the potion into a large flask that was handed out, and put the cork in. I wrote my name on the side of the flask, set it into the potions closet, and went back to my table to clean up.

The bell rang just as I sat down again. I started to hurry and put everything away. The classroom began to empty, and I was soon alone. In my haste to clean everything quickly, I swung my elbow too far. _Smash. _I looked behind me and saw my Chinese Fireball dragon blood spilled all over the floor, glass jar shattered all over. My _expensive _dragon's blood.

"Shit!"

"Now, now, such language for a prefect."

I slapped my hand over my mouth, then turned around to see who it was. Of course… the worst possible person it could have been, short of Dumbledor. Remus. I sheepishly smiled, then grabbed a rag.

"Yeah, I know. I just wouldn't have chosen dragon blood to be the thing I spilled."

I started to wipe the blood up, then walked over to the garbage.

"Hold on," Remus called out.

He walked over to where I spilled it, taking his wand out. He pointed it towards the glass.

"Reparo."

The shards of glass flew together and reconnected perfectly. He walked over to me and took the rag. He twisted it up, and all the blood trickled back into the jar. Oh. Duh. Why hadn't I thought of that? He handed the jar back to me and smiled.

"It would be a pity to let all that dragon blood go to waste."

"Thanks."

I set the jar safely into the potion set, then into my bag. We both walked to the door, then out. He started to walk right, and I left. I stopped and turned back to him.

"Well this seems to be where we part. See you at lunch, I guess."

"Lunch it is, then."

He smiled again, only for a second, but what seemed like a minute. Then he turned and walked down the corridor. I watched him go the entire way, not being able to look away, then as he disappeared around a corner, I turned and started towards Charms.


End file.
